Memorial for Nikita

I hate that sad things have to happen in order to surround myself with people I care so much about. Last night after I found out about my former student's death, I called my boss and talked to him for a while. I was worried about not being able to go to Nikita's memorial because I was already scheduled to work at the high school. As I was talking to Rod on the phone he told me that the students were asking about me and were upset that I never visit them anymore. I think it was then that I lost it. Once I hung up the phone with my boss I called my friend Justin and told him what had happened. We used to work together at Garey in Pomona and he had heard the news before I called him. Once he answered, he heard the tears in my voice and tried to calm me down. Justin always has a soft spot in my heart. He is by far one of my best guy friends and him and Matt get along so well. I am glad that I can have a friend like him.

I feel like I have let my students in Pomona down. I left them in order to do my student teaching and quit my job at Gear Up so that I could sub and make more money. I should have been there yesterday for my students when they found out about Nikita. That is the thing about Garey, I was able to form amazing bonds with my students. I can't believe that I wasn't there for them. Instead I was subbing for a group of students I didn't even know.

This morning I was able to take a half day from work. The teacher that I was subbing for used to be my math and AP psych teacher so he was very understanding and accommodating. I am so thankful that he was so understanding.

On the way to the memorial I picked my friend Daisy up and we headed to the school. It was like a reunion seeing my kids again. But of course there was an elephant in the room and everyone knew why we were all meeting. It was not a pleasurable encounter but I was glad I was able to see my students and friends again.

At the memorial Matt was able to take off work and my friend Justin met us there. Students from Fremont and Garey gathered in a large circle holding balloons. Several people talked about how wonderful Nikita was. I know that she would have been something great. The vague memory I have of our discussions make me remember what a kind heart she had.

I hated seeing how sad her twin sister and friends were. I felt an ache in my chest that wouldn't go away but I knew that crying would only make it worse. Students let the balloons go, teachers spoke of her amazing qualities, and friends prayed for Nikita. At the end of the memorial, the large group (there had to be at least a hundred of us) sang Nikita and her twin sister happy birthday at the time she was born. I couldn't help but let a tear fall.

I know that she is with God and is smiling down on her family, but I can't help but feel saddened that she wasn't able to experience all of the things in life that she deserved. I pray that her family members and friends are able to make it through such a tough time.

Here is a picture of some of the balloons that were let go in Nikita's honor-